i think i’m getting closer.
five reasons i love my life right now:
1. i have my dream job. i’m working for an amazing company, with amazing people, in an amazing city.
2. i’m surrounded by good people. i’ve recently realized that the universe has been very generous with the caliber of people it brings into my life. i always seem to meet and befriend kind, funny, genuine individuals that enrich my life and teach me things. i’m really thankful that i don’t attract liars and super-shady people. but when they do pop up, i’m wise enough to spot them quickly and remove them from my life.
3. i have my own apartment. i told myself a long time ago that i would do whatever it took to live on my own, and now i’m doing it. writing out that rent check every month is a bit jarring; but it’s worth being able to walk around in my underwear, sing at the top of my lungs, and decorate however i want to. i don’t have to deal with someone else being in the bathroom when i need to get ready for work, and i can stand in the kitchen at 2am eating ice cream right out of the carton without anyone judging me (except for everyone now reading this).
4. i have my health. anything can happen, and things have happened, and i’m blessed to have good health, all my limbs, and the mental capacity to not be yelling obscenities at people on some corner in the tenderloin (ahem, yet).
5. i’m single. i can go wherever i want, whenever i want, with whomever i want, and i don’t have to run it by anybody. i can come and go as i please, which feels pretty fucking good. and most importantly of all, i get to take up the whole bed.
five reasons i hate my life right now:
1. i have approximately $14 in my bank account (granted, my rent check just went through). but keep in mind, i’m 25 years old. i would have hoped that i’d be better with money at this point in my life. oh, and i don’t have any savings. so fingers crossed i don’t get hit by a car tomorrow!
2. i’ve never been out of the country. actually, if we’re being technical; i’ve been to mexico. but most people from california have been to mexico in some capacity, so to me it doesn’t count. i’ve never been to spain, or paris, or italy, or greece, or australia (my sister is there now, and i can’t afford to go visit her. see #1). this makes me extremely depressed.
3. i’m the farthest away i’ve ever been from everything i know and everyone and love. in some ways, i relish this fact, because it makes me stronger. and obviously i wouldn’t have moved away if i felt the need to stay where i was (aka comfortable) forever. but being far away from people can either make their hearts grow fonder or make their hearts completely forget about you, depending on the person. i don’t want to beg people to stay friends with me or to keep in touch, but sometimes it’s hard to adjust to being far away from the people you love.
4. i spend entirely too much time thinking about the future, and not enough time enjoying the moment. this is probably more of a ‘reasons i hate myself right now’ thing, but still: it’s like all i can think about is ‘what’s next, what do i do next, what’s going to happen next?’ and i totally miss the opportunities to look the fuck around and enjoy where i am, $14 to my name or not. it’s not really doing my life justice. i realize it, but i still don’t know how to change it.
5. i’m single. therefore, i have to pass happy couples on the street while i’m walking my dog, (who is the only real love of my life right now) and pretend it doesn’t bother me. my friends that are in relationships only call me when they need advice, or when they’re having issues with their significant other and want to get fucking wasted and pretend it doesn’t bother them (granted, i’m pretty fun to drink with). oh, and then there’s the whole ‘dying alone’ thing.
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